Time Enough At Last...

Ok, so that's a rip-off of one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes, but I have realized in looking over some of my recent blog entries that I haven't spent much time writing about my thoughts, just my activities. And sharing fun dog pics, of course. :)

I'm taking a little time today to try & rectify that (if possible) and was just reading an incredibly well-written blog that inspired me to take up my pen (er, keyboard) and begin again.

I guess part of it is my desire for safety--so much easier to protect myself and my husband by being vague & superficial and, while there's nothing at all wrong with having a delightfully light blog (I love Jorge Garcia's "Dispatches from the Island" blog!), that's not the reason I started mine.

And of course, I want to have a blog that others want to read, one that actually matters among the thousands thrown carelessly out there. But it's easy for me to feel that being too personal or "me, me, me" isn't as interesting as say, 25 pics of my dogs (which I guess is really only interesting if you like dogs, anyway!) and step back from something that might be perceived as boring. It's funny that I never worry about these things when I don't have an invisible audience.

Another reason it's easier for me to lean toward the light & fluffy: I'd really like to avoid negative comments on the blog (not that they're viewable, but I'd know about them) about something that happened to be truly meaningful or personal to me. Easier to avoid meaningful and personal than risk negativity or personal attacks. I think it's really unfortunate that so many people use the anonymity of the web to be unkind, and at times, downright vicious. In person, I don't mind sharing my thoughts honestly, but on the web, when everything is open to interpretation (or even when it's not), there's a lot of room for miscontruction and nameless criticism. But truly living life involves pain and it's not possible to give yourself fully to anything without risk.

It reminds me a little of a scene from Wicked, the musical based loosely on the book, which was based even more loosely on the Wizard of Oz, where Fiyero urges everyone to just carelessly, thoughtlessly, mindlessly skim through life never getting deep enough to get hurt. Yes, it's easier, but not much of a life that way! And in some ways, I think I've been a little risk-avoidant in real life lately, so maybe my dissatisfaction with the way the blog's going is a reflection of that.

I can't play it safe for too long without getting really frustrated, which absolutely flies in the face of my upbringing, where conformity was everything. I know that I'm happiest when I'm trying, risking, and taking a chance--even when that chance, try, risk is a simple moment of honesty in a blog.

My goal is to have a nice blend of lightness and depth, so that I'm representing all of myself, not just those portions I think would be most publicly pleasing.

Thanks for reading, more thoughts to come :0